Interview FAIL!

Ok so my interview for this darn temp job went HORRIBLE!! I'd say it was the worst interview I had ever had. I have been in bed all week and really wasn't prepared for any kind of questions whatsoever. So the first question was "tell me what you did at your last position". I froze! I couldn't remember shyt. I was stuck on um um duh duh! I was so spacy and out of it. To make matters worse, I had three people sitting in front of me. I just couldn't wait to get out of there.

I get home at 12 ish and went straight to sleep because I wasn't feeling well. I'm realizin that I haven't eaten all day, wow. Anyways, I woke up 7 hours later, In a serious cold sweat. My body feels high. Sorta like the feeling you get when you take a sleeping pill. I know I'm not suppose to quit taking the meds cold turkey but I don't want to poison my body any longer. Put a call into the doc and of course since I'm on welfare medical, they never return calls.

I'm so grateful for my 10 year old through all this, she's helped me tremendously with the baby. I don't know what I would do without her.
Looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

End of Medication

Ok so it's been a little over a month since I've been on the depression meds and three weeks into taking them I developed a terrible cough. I let it go for almost two weeks thinking it was just a bug that I caught. I decided to do research on Celexa and read that several other people had this problem and that it was a common side affect. Um NO THANKS yet again I have to stop a medication due the the side affects. I cough all damn night and I feel like I'm coughing my lungs out like a smoker. I'm going to have to figure out other ways to get over my depression and anxiety issues. It's been a day since I stopped taking them and I'm already starting to feel withdrawal symptoms. I'm more looking forward to this cough going away.

So I'm thinking about moving down to the bay to be closer to the love of my life. I dunno. I can't seem to keep a man long enough and this plan is all the way to August. I need to be more optimistic but with my history, I can't help but to wonder.

I have a job interview tomorrow for a temp job that is going to be a month assignment. I guess it's better than nothing at this point. I'm so broke can barely afford gas to go anywhere.

I'm so impatient, I want what I want now and I'm tired of struggling with my kids. I guess part of my depression comes from my anger from choosing such terrible men to procreate with. I look all around me and see horrible females who cheated on their men or did other horrendous things yet the man stood there with her for the sake of having their child together. it angers me all the time, like why me. I have alot of love to give. Hopefully now I have that understanding man. After all we've been through for the past 6 years we always manage to end up back together.

Starting Over

I haven't done what I intended to do and that was to blog. My ADD tends to get the best of me and I quickly lose interest in things. Anyhow, I think I'm going to get back to doing this. Maybe it'll help me out a bit since at times I either don't have anyone to talk to or the person I'm talking to is yelling at me or not listening.

I've come to the conclusion that I can't stay in one place for a long time. I tend to get restless. When the going gets tough, I want to run far away. I get restless. Mainly when I'm single or in a dead end relationship. I long for stability but no one has been able to give that to me. I did have one boyfriend who made major plans with me and I KNEW he would have followed through with them. I messed up with that one for stupid reasons but I won't dwell on it.

But on the subject of relationships, I'm just clueless and I'm beginning to think I'm too use to being alone that I'll never find someone who is on the same wavelength as I am. I keep getting back with the same boyfriend who keeps abandoning and hurting me. What's up with this. I've given him 4 chances already. I mean it's not like there aren't any men out there. We get in other relationships and always tend to get back together after being lonely. It's stupid of me, but I always think things will be better each time around. I care about this person alot, but sometimes I wonder if it's just a loneliness thing on his part. I can't communicate this to him enough and changes are coming soon to where I don't think I can handle. Too many memories that haunt me. I need someone who is mine full time, not taking care of a grown ass adult. I'm irritated but prepared for things to fizzle.

I need so much right now. I'm frustrated with my situation. I'm frustrated that I got left with a baby with no help, I'm frustrated I have to do it on my own. I'm frustrated that nobody gets me. I'm frustrated that I'm broke and an emotional wreck. I feel abandoned times 3. Wow is me
, I know but this is not how life was suppose to be.

Started taking depression meds again. We'll see if I can stick to them this time. I feel sluggish and naseous all the time, it's been a few days. I need to get out of this depression and start looking for a job. Nobody gonna help me but my damn self.