Starting Over

I haven't done what I intended to do and that was to blog. My ADD tends to get the best of me and I quickly lose interest in things. Anyhow, I think I'm going to get back to doing this. Maybe it'll help me out a bit since at times I either don't have anyone to talk to or the person I'm talking to is yelling at me or not listening.

I've come to the conclusion that I can't stay in one place for a long time. I tend to get restless. When the going gets tough, I want to run far away. I get restless. Mainly when I'm single or in a dead end relationship. I long for stability but no one has been able to give that to me. I did have one boyfriend who made major plans with me and I KNEW he would have followed through with them. I messed up with that one for stupid reasons but I won't dwell on it.

But on the subject of relationships, I'm just clueless and I'm beginning to think I'm too use to being alone that I'll never find someone who is on the same wavelength as I am. I keep getting back with the same boyfriend who keeps abandoning and hurting me. What's up with this. I've given him 4 chances already. I mean it's not like there aren't any men out there. We get in other relationships and always tend to get back together after being lonely. It's stupid of me, but I always think things will be better each time around. I care about this person alot, but sometimes I wonder if it's just a loneliness thing on his part. I can't communicate this to him enough and changes are coming soon to where I don't think I can handle. Too many memories that haunt me. I need someone who is mine full time, not taking care of a grown ass adult. I'm irritated but prepared for things to fizzle.

I need so much right now. I'm frustrated with my situation. I'm frustrated that I got left with a baby with no help, I'm frustrated I have to do it on my own. I'm frustrated that nobody gets me. I'm frustrated that I'm broke and an emotional wreck. I feel abandoned times 3. Wow is me
, I know but this is not how life was suppose to be.

Started taking depression meds again. We'll see if I can stick to them this time. I feel sluggish and naseous all the time, it's been a few days. I need to get out of this depression and start looking for a job. Nobody gonna help me but my damn self.