Submission

So I had this photo up as my main photo on facebook. I see it as art. I am a fan of nude art by the way and I plan on doing some more. Everyone knows I tend to be on the risky side when it comes to showing my body and I try to be tastefull. Well apparently I was alerted that my boyfriends mother saw the picture and he asked me to take it down because it's something only he should be looking at. I'm not going to lie I have gotten a few private comments from guys asking what my man thought about me putting that picture up. I simply replied that he's not the jealous type and that I'm sure he doesn't care. Well I guess I was wrong and even though this man is not my husband I suppose the right thing to do was to take it down out of respect for him and for his mother who is on facebook. This sucks because now I can't be as vulgar as I wanna be.  I feel like I'm being sensored, but I'll do what I have to do to make him happy and to respect him. 

Having to hold back my words is something that's hard for me. In my last relationship I was with a man who was much younger than me who was extremely controlling. I have never experienced such control in my life. I couldnt cuss around him, drink any alcohol around him, couldn't even dress provocatively around him in the house! Without getting into details, he even had me feeling like I was gross for using my vibrator when I was alone. Then he started telling me to take down my photos on my facebook. I knew he had to go because I actually changed myself for him and started feeling trapped and uncomfortable. He told me alot of the stuff i did and said was unlady like. He is from Mississippi so maybe it's a culture thing. Needless to say, I broke up with him after a month and never looked back. 

I'm hoping that I can find other outlets for my vulgarity. lol I know this man will accept most of it. And I'm thinkin since it's his mother who is involved, I can respect his wishes. 

I'm feeling better today. Been on an emotional rollercoaster all weekend. Everything seems life or death with me  and I need to just chill and realize what I'm worth and how good I actually have it. 

Got some extremely encouraging words from an old friend today. Made me all teary eyed too. Told me to not be so hard on myself and to realize how far I've come and to just focus.  I'm greatful for those words and him. 

I realize that all that after all I've been through with my man, I do respect him and I do love him with all my heart. Not easy to say, but it's true. I guess we shall see what he does with it this time around.